A Proud Wifey

Wow!

I look how much my life has changed in 6 months and all I can say is Wow!

Amazing how keeping a positive mindset and applying the rules of law of attraction can help.

We went from having no where to go, to renting a beautiful place in one of the best estates in our area. Our daughter is in a wonderful school and my husband has more business than ever. Most of this has come from my husband's hard work! He is truly amazing and has really succeeded where others have not been able to.

I cannot begin to explain just how proud and grateful I am to have such a wonderful man in my life. His hard work and determination reminds me so much of my Father. Which probably explains why they get along so well. My father is constantly telling me  how proud he is that I have such a wonderful husband who will do anything for his family.

My husband really has inherited such wonderful traits from his Mother. I look at his values and morals see his Mother. She did such a great job with him.

I will gladly support everything my husband wants to do, as I know he will be a great success at anything because he is so determined to make a better life for us.

Health Issues

So the last two years have not been a joy health-wise.

After giving birth to my beautiful girl, my scalp psoriasis came back with a vengeance. I think it was triggered by the birth, as I had a failed epidural and gave birth naturally after 10 and a half hours of labour. The very next day, i had a small spot of psoriasis on my hairline by my neck. I hadn't had a flair up for years before that. So needless to say, the psoriasis flared up like crazy and I was not able to do much about because I was determined to breastfeed.

Not me - But a good example of what my psoriasis looks like

I then tried every natural route I could think of. Homoeopathic remedies, Allergo-stop injections (two courses),  and dietary changes (which I was not able to continue due to family eating conflicts and poor self control).

Out of desperation I asked my doctor at a recent baseline medical appointment for work, to give me something. He had a look and said that my psoriasis was very severe and he prescribed Dovobet and Clobex Shampoo. Both are corticosteroid based. not my ideal choice but I am so desperate to get some kind of relief because winter is a tough time to have psoriasis. Its been helping so far but I have been very stressed out lately and am sure its contributing to the psoriasis staying.

At the very same baseline medical, they tested my eyes. Even with my glasses on, my results were poor. Which was very strange considering I had just gotten my new lenses in January 2012.

The doctor was concerned that my severe psoriasis was possibly 'attacking' my eyesight. I was told to go see an ophthalmologist as soon as possible. I was so panicked after googling - worst thing to do when you are unsure of your actual diagnosis. Everything came up with psoriasis making me blind!

My husband, bless his heart, phoned around to try find the best eye doctor in town. A few days later I went to see Dr Mia at Waterfall Hospital. He did his tests and found out that I had a disorder called "Keratoconus". My case was bad enough that he suggested Corneal Cross linking as soon as possible because of the rate my eyes were "twisting".  He told me that is was degenerating so fast that I would possibly lose my eye sight by August/ September of this year and would have needed a corneal transplant etc.

The difference between a normal eye and keratoconus

I had the left eye done on the 28th of May and then the right eye done on the 11th of June. Thank Goodness that my father was able to help me with the money. The procedure cost R12 000 for both eyes and my medical aid would not cover it. Discovery told me that they would not cover it because not enough medical studies had been done on the procedure in South Africa. That was absolutely ridiculous!!! Screw the fact that I could have lost my eyesight. They however feel the procedure is cosmetic, even though it did not correct my vision - it just stopped the progression of the disorder. I still have to wear glasses and then possibly get fitted for hard contact lenses to try 'push' my eye into shape for better vision. But that will all only come, once my eyes have fully healed. I am going to have to wait a few weeks for that.

With all of these things happening, my skin, eye and weight gain has got me feeling abit down. I kinda feel like "why me?". I don't get why out of a family of 5 children, I got dumped with all the genetic disorders.

Its very worrying, considering that I have to watch my little one closely to make sure is she has any of the things I have. I feel like if she gets anything, it will be fault because my genetics are so bad. I just hope her fathers strong genetics will 'cancel' out my bad genetics.

I also think that I need to do something drastic. I am considering either going vegetarian or gluten-free. I have been told by multiple doctors that I should not have any wheat and gluten-free may just be strict enough to make a health difference. I have to do something that will give quick results because i feel so sluggish and just plain moody and demotivated the whole time.

I am going to look into it and see what I should do. I think Gluten-free may just be a good start and then I can go vegetarian at a later stage for detox reasons.

I am just so scared that if i don't do something drastic like this, I am going to wake up one day with cancer or something at my young age. I just feel like all the bad stuff is happening to me and I am almost expecting something bad like that cause it all just keeps getting worse.

I know I shouldn't think like that but it is so hard to be optimistic when I feel like I am just getting knocked by anything and everything.

Here's to bette health in the future
xoxo

Oooh I had an Idea!

Last night while doing some research and watching some Geordie Shore (season 2), an idea came to me.

I am not going to say too much about it right now but I am going to save some money (R 10 000), so that can start a little side business. Lets just say that I found a little gap in the market where I live and I plan on doing something about it.

If its something successful, then it would mean having my own little business which could be something really awesome. Thank goodness there are enough ladies in this area who like look and I plan on helping with that.

Okay, going to have some more green tea and do some more market research.

xoxo

Changes

Its all about changes this year!

Not wanting to write about the stresses in my life at the moment, I will be focussing on the fun little things that make me happy. So here is a littel catch-up on those what I have been up to this weekend...

I am still addicted to pinterest. So addicted that my hubby got me my own Internet package so I can pin things whenever I want - best gift!

Right now my little one is having her nap and I have just finished wrapping her Dad and
Oupa's Fathers Day gifts for tomorrow. I have made a cup of coffee and pinterest is open on the next tab.

I had a nice trip out with Eden this morning, she just turned two is is being such a well behaved girl. I am so proud of her. She was very good at helping Mommy pick out all the gifts today. I must say that Daddy and Oupa are going to be two very stylish people tomorrow.

I got my first issue of Grazia magazine. Its new to SA and after reading the first issue, I am hooked! I love it and look forward to every week's new issue.

I have been thinking alot lately about studying again. Truth is the place we are staying in right now is way to cluttered and small to have a little study nook anywhere and I need my space if I am suppose to concentrate.. I have made a small little agreement with my hubby, as soon as we can move into a bigger place and we have that extra bit of money I will start. Its quite complicated wanting to start this again after having had a child, you really have to try make some time for studying but thinking about doing it again is so exciting.

I have a really wonderful Friend who has recently moved away to Durban. She is technically my boss at work but over the years and after going through some stressful situations we have struck up such a great friendship. It has upset me a little bit that she has moved because I miss her quite abit but at the end of the day I am so happy for her. She is very supportive of my want to do greater things with my life and has been such a great influence. Will be very exciting to hopefully pan my first visit to see her. In December I should hopefully also be able to see my other great friend who has moved to Cape Town. I miss having girls nights with her, watching Dirty Dancing and just being silly.. All these people moving, makes me feel a little bit left out.. I also want to live by the coast again.

Okay, I am going to go and Pin some goodies now!

Mothers Day Breakfast at Pre-school

This morning, Eden's school hosted a Mother's Day breakfast.

It was so cute. It started off with the us Mother's sitting in our children's class, and receiving a big welcome form the teacher and the kiddies.

The Little ones sat on our laps and sang songs like "The Wheels on the Bus", "Twinkle Little Star" etc. One little boy felt the need to sing Happy Birthday to all the Mothers without being prompted to do so. So Sweet!

We then received a present. A mug which contained some ingredients to make our own little "Cake in a Cup". We also received some coupons for Free Hugs etc, which the children had coloured in themselves.

My little one was such a proud little girl, kept trying to show me all the things in her class and trying to keep up with all the songs. She practically clapped for everything.

We were treated to a nice healthy breakfast which consisted of yoghurt, fresh fruit salad, muesli and muffins. Which we then ate along with our kids who were eating breakfast.



Eden and I sharing our breakfast - I was busy eating when this was taken so excuse the awkward face


It was such a nice way to start a Friday. I get the feeling I will be  a very spoilt Mom this Mother's day.

xoxoxo

On the Brink of Greatness

My last post was somewhat of a venting session, but I don’t regret it. Always better to get those thoughts out before they make you explode.

Since then, we have been through more drama and upheaval and I did not want to write about it. I would prefer to write about the good things and focus on those.

So here goes the latest update...

We had to move, for various reasons, but I think it was something that was needed, almost like a little push form the Universe. My father thankfully allowed us to move in to a cottage on his property and we have fixed it up abit and its starting to look nice (apart from all the clutter that we still need to sort). I see this as being temporary as we will hopefully be moving into a bigger place soon. At least for now, while we are sorting out things, we won’t have to worry about rent. It will also be nice to get to spend that time with my Dad.

My husband has now started his own business. He seems so much more relaxed and there are less 'things' stressing and upsetting him. It was rough seeing him go through the stress he did a short while back. Its amazing how one person or a particular situation can affect someone else like that. Thankfully his 'trigger' is now gone and he seems to be so much Happier. I am so excited that he will be his own boss and I have full faith in him that he will succeed!

I am in the process of trying to register for a bachelor degree. I was previously registered for a degree in Consumer Science specialising in Clothing Management. But after the hijacking and Ryan passing away, I studies slipped and I was unable to continue. I was also disheartened abit by the subjects, Economics and Accounting were failed miserably and I just didn’t feel I could do it. But now, I feel alot more motivated and found out that Unisa is offering another degree in Fashion Retail Management. They have told me that I will be able to register and that I can hopefully carry over some credits from my previous degree. This new degree does not contain any accounting or economics and instead focus' more on the fashion industry and textiles and clothing history. It is definitely more up my alley... Let’s hold thumbs that I will be able to register without any issues and start studying again. I think it will also give me something to do, so that I don’t feel so idle the whole time.

So as the post heading states, we are definitely on the Brink of Greatness as a family and with regards to the endeavours that we are currently taking. At the end of the day, we have to make it work because we are doing this all so that our gorgeous princess, Eden, can have everything she will ever need and that includes, happy parents

I have absolute faith that we will get through this rough patch and make it out more successful and even happier.

Hello again, Anxiety

The first thoughts always start off with "what is that ache in my chest, why does it feel like I have been punched?". Then I notice that I have been biting my nails again, even though I have been trying to grow them for weeks.  It hurts so much to even touch anything because some nails have been bitten down so far. I get the headaches, the feeling that its very hard to try crack a smile.

I am moody and feel like things are non-negotiable except for the things I tell myself. One moment I feel great and the next I feel so angry with myself. I feel like I am not worth much and that its my fault the world seems to be crashing down around me. The moods effect those that I actually do want around me, but it pushes them away. I find comfort in being alonewith my thoughts but sad because I feel alone. One aswer that I did not want, and I react with a mood whihc then causes fighting whihc then causes the self loathing and thoughts like "I am this messed up that I cant even be good enough for those who are around me?. Why does no one understand that I am feeling alone? Does no one else think that all these things are stressful?"

For a while I was feeling good, havent been on any medication for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) since 2009.  I have tried to stay strong and deal with all the issues surrounding me. I have come out of it all okay, considering there have been a few situations that have triggered the PTSD. But I did the therapy and did the relaxation exercises. But now it feels like something different. Like the PTSD but not as bad, but somehow just it is just as bad. Its anxiety again.

I am pretty sure I have a heart condition, I keep telling myself this because why else would my chest feel so sore and why else would my heart be POUNDING like this the whole time. I am pretty sure that the fact that my neck and shoulders feel so tight is because I have slept funny, even though its all been sore and stiff for over a week now. I am not aware of my surroundings, I am bumping into things that I normally would make sure to avoid. Tonight I walked straight into the tow bar of my car and hit my shin so hard, it took my breath away. My eating patterns are changing - I feel like I have to eat healthy and that I must lose weight, sometimes its easier just not eating as much as I should and then when I get hungry enough I will eat something bad.

I wonder if this has anything to do with the fact that everything has been turned upside down for us by other people. Obviously I shouldnt blame someone else but when that other person makes decision that leaves you having to suddenly having search for another place to live; you cant find anything that is affordable because you live in an expensive town where you pay for safety; your spouse is being put in a situation where he needs to somehow start something from scratch even though you have witnessed him being promised things that would have made his life and work easier; you dont know how much mopney your spouse will be able to make when he is getting his life back together and if it will be enough for us to make ends meet or even just have a place to stay; your too embarressed to even think of asking your family for help because they are currenly going thorugh divorces and their own issues; you currently live somewhere where the atmosphere is misearable and you dread being there; you dread having your child be around people that irresponsibly drink and are just not the right people to have around; there is no concern for safety and gates are left open for anyone to enter from the road; you need fix your car but have no money; you have flashbacks at night when your trying to sleep buut cant - flashbacks of a loved one being shot in the head; I too think you would be anxious if this what you had to deal with on a daily basis